Friday, 5 April 2013

Dismantling an ego





So much of our work life like the rest of our lives revolve around our egos, which means we like things that make us seem important in the eyes of others. VIP entrance into a nightclub or access to the presidential box at any major sporting event merely adds to the level of self-importance that we have placed upon ourselves. Why these trinkets of prestige are not important in themselves, they massage the sense of self-worth. They also position us above our equals telling them we are far more equal than them.

The same can be said of the workplace. We all have ornaments of prestige in the work place that raise us above the common proletariat. The company phone, the company lap tap, access to the company flat, the corner office, reserved parking and the all too important executive credit card. These things may not be integral to the carrying out of our daily duties in the office, but there is little doubt it makes us feel very important. If you have been trying to get rid of your subordinate who has such perks, because you want to replace him or her with someone force frustration upon them by taking away their perks as a way to get rid of them.

Take away the credit card and explain a needs analysis was done and unfortunately the subordinate did not make the new criteria for people who need credit cards. The same can be done with VIP access at company events, they are relegated to operating outside the cordoned off area. Better yet: let them arrive at the event and get a third party to take their names off the list. There is no type of humiliation like public humiliation. The confiscation of phones, credit cards and laptops is a private agony that most will endure, but a public climb down is bound to force a resignation. Above all remove them from the inner circle of decision-making. The clipping of someone’s wings on non-performance related issues, sounds cruel and harsh, but if cannot get them on performance, then get them on ego.

Always remember who to put first:

ME ME ME .

Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Be the Star





Hollywood has stumbled on a sure fire to make money from the movies, get a big name star to appear, and it is bound to be a hit at the box office. The same lesson applies to business. Those with big mouths and higher profiles get bigger pay regardless of whether they are talented or not. This is a classic case of flash over substance. The key to being a star is to believe that you are a star, then to get others to be believe that you are a star - particularly your boss. Stars are created by the hype of good PR, not by what they actually produce. This means talk up at staff meetings and public forums. Suck up to your boss and copy and paste ideas from management books to make the operation more efficient.

Above all, over promise everything at client meetings, so the client falls in love with you more than the company. Anything the client wants he/she gets even at the cost of selling your company short. Like any star, your aim is to promise, not necessary to deliver.The stars in Hollywood, do not wash their own clothes, nor do they mop their own floors or clean their toilets. Why should you, as the self-appointed workplace star, be the one to deliver on the promises that you made?. This is for other people who work hard and don’t want the limelight on their work station. To get them to do your work, simply ask them to stand in for client meetings that you are looking to avoid, book leave or fall ill when it is time to deliver. This way some do-gooder at work has to do your work as well.

If you are confronted on your lack of delivery, throw your toys out of the cot and blame everyone for overworking you. If you are really in a corner make a big public act of contrition for not being up to standard. Claim some personal crisis is influencing your work then offer to do better with the help of Divine intervention. You need not be a star at work: only pose as one.

Always remember who to put first:

ME ME ME

Wednesday, 20 February 2013

The Promotion Demotion





Promotions are hard to come by and in short supply, especially if you want your mate to have the job of someone who reports to you. This is made particularly hard when the person you want to shaft is good at their job, cheerful and has a great work ethic. Their very competence limits your ability to move them out of the way.

If you cannot demote or dismiss this person, your next best bet is to promote this them to a newly created position and then take away all their responsibilities. This happens all the time in politics where badly performing or out of favor government ministers are made ambassadors to countries you would struggle to find on a map - thus making place for someone who is more comfortable towing the party line.

The newly promoted gets a title and something extra in the pay packet to butter up the ego. What is far more important is what our newly promoted friend will not get. S/he will not have any real responsibility when coming to decision making. Everything has to go through you or someone designated by you. S/he will not be able to okay hiring, budgets or disciplinary procedures of the staff that report directly to him or her. The new title will not allow them to come up with or implement any new strategy.

The new title will take them away from the day to day decision making in the organization and compel them to sit and look at the four walls of their office. If the person concerned cottons on that they have been demoted, they will then feel the yearn to either leave or confront you. If the person leaves, you all live happy. This way you can claim credit for cutting the cost of a big salary. If they choose to stand and fight, try and buy them off with a bit more responsibility.
Appealing to someone’s ego over their integrity is the ideal way to get them to sway to your will.

Always remember who to put first:

ME ME ME.

Sunday, 27 January 2013

Know who you work for





If you are employed by an organization, you are asked to perform certain duties in exchange for remuneration. This is the most basic definition of employment. But in actual fact, you are employed for the company and work for yourself. You work for your own development and future income. This is where an employer can be an excellent source for your work. Which means if you are planning of setting up a business, your boss can provide of all your future commerce needs. Posing as a hard worker you could use resources like computers after hours, gain access to client lists and be privy to internal strategy.

If corporate governance is especially weak at your employer, you could even trade with the person that pays your salary. While a cynic might see you as a thief, pilfering from the person who is putting food on your table, I choose to see it as your boss’s unconscious support of small business. We need an expanding economy with more businesses to strengthen it.

With loans and business support hard to come by, why not use the skills and expertise of someone who has been there and done it. Even once your rouse has been discovered, you need not worry for you have taught them a lesson in not hiring the right people in keeping client lists close to their chests and keeping an eye on company assets. If you guilty for taking advantage of your bosses knowledge base, don’t he not feel guilty for using yours.

Always remember who to put first:

ME ME ME.

Monday, 14 January 2013

For love or money





Comedian Chris Rock once outlined the difference between a job and a career. A job is a place where you cannot wait to leave from the moment you enter the workplace. It is where you look for ways and means to while away the time. 

We have all had jobs we hate, that is why it is very difficult for employers to get any free work out of people who don’t want to be there and are waiting for the clock to strike five for them to leave.

Careers on the other hand are completely different. It is part of who we are. We do it for love and forms part of the core of our very being. Those following careers will give up relationships, miss birthdays and work  all hours until the task is done. Normally money follows successful careers, as you are rewarded for the passion and effort you have put in for the fulfillment of all your professional pride.

If you are an employer, this is the kind person you want in your team. They will go the extra mile and give up their personal lives in order to accomplish the task at hand. They will put in all the extra hours for no extra pay. They will do it for love and not money. Their passion can be rewarded with pat on backs and the promise of something in the distant future. Like the perpetrator in an abusive relationship, the boss can keep promising  and promising to change and compensate, but with no intention of ever delivering. The person who is in love with their career will be prepared to tolerate this type of abuse for a long, long time.

Those with careers might have a more passionate relationship with their means of living. There is little doubt that those employed to do a job have a far more honest relationship. No matter how much you love your career always remember you work for money and not love alone.

Always remember who to put first:

ME ME ME.